Pet Names by Joanne Rendell
Of all the blogs I’ll ever write about Benny, this will probably be the one he truly hates me for. I admit, he’ll probably hate me for documenting his poos in the bath, his first stuttering attempts at language, his observations about his father’s dangly bits. But, having his childhood pet names shared with the blogosphere will no doubt be the icing on the cake. How, after all, will he ever be taken seriously as a Senator or a writer or a doctor or a representative for the Vegetarian Society when it is discovered that one of his pet names was “Chickenhead”?
Of course, I’m trying to offset any bad feelings between us by teaching him early in life the beauty of irony, silliness, and the joy that can be found in laughing at oneself. However, I’m also secretly praying that by the time he’s old enough to care what I’ve broadcast about him in the blogosphere, the internet will have combusted and the blogs I have written will have long since skittered, irretraceably into the ether. Failing that, I am saving for his therapy bills.
With these different measures in place to try and maintain our future relationship, therefore, I’m going to go ahead and do it. I’m going to list the pet names we have for our dearest Benny. Because, quite frankly, I think pet names should be shared. They show creativity on the parents part, as well as the beauty and malleability of language. And they’re also pretty funny…especially when listed. So, here I go:
Benny Boo
Benny Bops
Benny Bopsy
Bopsical
Bopsters
Boppings
Whiney Pots
Potsy
Potsters
Monkey
Banana
Puppy Dog
Baby Dog
Chucky Egg
Chucky Eggness
Chicky
Chicky Egg
and of course…
Chickenhead
The last one is my current favorite. It also appears to be one that has struck a chord with Benny. The other night, when we were having dinner in a restaurant, Benny – for a reason only known to a three year old – was stroking Brad’s head. As he grinned and teased his Dad’s head, he said in a rather loud squeal, “You feel like a chicken, chickenhead.”
Benny’s pet names, it seems, may well come back to haunt all of us.
Of course, I’m trying to offset any bad feelings between us by teaching him early in life the beauty of irony, silliness, and the joy that can be found in laughing at oneself. However, I’m also secretly praying that by the time he’s old enough to care what I’ve broadcast about him in the blogosphere, the internet will have combusted and the blogs I have written will have long since skittered, irretraceably into the ether. Failing that, I am saving for his therapy bills.
With these different measures in place to try and maintain our future relationship, therefore, I’m going to go ahead and do it. I’m going to list the pet names we have for our dearest Benny. Because, quite frankly, I think pet names should be shared. They show creativity on the parents part, as well as the beauty and malleability of language. And they’re also pretty funny…especially when listed. So, here I go:
Benny Boo
Benny Bops
Benny Bopsy
Bopsical
Bopsters
Boppings
Whiney Pots
Potsy
Potsters
Monkey
Banana
Puppy Dog
Baby Dog
Chucky Egg
Chucky Eggness
Chicky
Chicky Egg
and of course…
Chickenhead
The last one is my current favorite. It also appears to be one that has struck a chord with Benny. The other night, when we were having dinner in a restaurant, Benny – for a reason only known to a three year old – was stroking Brad’s head. As he grinned and teased his Dad’s head, he said in a rather loud squeal, “You feel like a chicken, chickenhead.”
Benny’s pet names, it seems, may well come back to haunt all of us.
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